Article by Megan

How To Improve Personal Skills

A individual knowing control program is a lately presented idea. It is a selection of procedures and resources that allow you to collect, identify, shop, look for, recover and reveal knowing in your operating lifestyle. You can think of it as a base up strategy to knowing control for knowing employees such as purchase experts. If you have an efficient and efficient individual knowing control program, you are more likely to improve your efficiency as you will have all of information you need when you need it to bring out your projects. Here are seven common elements of such a program.

1. Learning: If you are to improve your efficiency as a knowing personnel, you need to be a life-long student. Knowledge and abilities have a shelf-life and can easily become aged. You need to look at a addiction of steady studying and discover out what you need to know to become a better and more efficient purchase expert. Evaluation web websites that provide classes and see what is on provide that would finish a gap for you. Study specialized magazines both for purchase and the market you are in. Generate a studying plan and discuss to your HR office – can you get financing from your enterprise to pay for it? After all, it is an financial commitment for them as much as for you.

2. Information triage: there is a international surge of information available to you both on-line and off-line. This can cause to “paralysis by analysis” establishing in. What you need is a procedure for knowing what information is essential for a given task; very much like a triage doctor searching out which people need to be seen in what purchase with regards to the degree of their situation.

3. Networking: this gives you accessibility the individuals who have the knowing that you need. Marketing does not occur instantaneously. You need to be sorted so whenever you fulfill someone new, create sure that you ask brilliant concerns about their specialization and pay interest carefully to the solutions. When you get home get into information into a program – a worksheet will do. That way you can easily accessibility information of the individual who can tell you what you need without you having to the begining your go to keep in mind who the individual was and where you met them. Also, use online networking categories to develop up your hyperlinks and do not be reluctant to ask others for for every to individuals they know who could be beneficial for you. How Improve Personal Skills

4. Research: when you do not have all information you need to be efficient you need to do some research. Start by appearing the right concerns – prevent shut concerns that only create a “yes” or “no” response. Instead ask concerns that start with “how” or “explain”. Examine that the individuals you are discussing with have the right stage of encounter and knowing to response your concerns credibly. Do not platform your research on the opinions of a small variety of individuals as it may not give you the stage and stage of research that you need.

5. Communications: if you are to be efficient it is essential that you get your thoughts across easily. In other terms, you need excellent devices abilities. This protects discussing, composing and demonstrations. Keep in mind that excellent interaction is a two way procedure. You not only need to get your factors across in a beneficial and unforgettable way but you also need to create sure that your viewers has recognized you. So, motivate concerns and pay interest to gestures that may tell you that there is a deficit of knowledge.

6. Creativity: individual efficiency is not about the variety of projects that you finish in a given time frame. The potency of your result is the key. This is where creativeness comes in. Can you discover a better way of including value? There are a variety of device and methods usually available that you can use to help launch and develop your innovative abilities. Just look up “tools for creativity” in a internet look for results.

7. Continuous improvement: no issue how excellent your individual efficiency is currently, it can be enhanced. Set yourself objectives to further progress your knowing in each of the places protected in the following paragraphs. Think about where spend happens in each of them (for example, how you shop and recover the knowing you have gathered) and use your creativeness to remove it. How Improve Personal Skills

About the Author

If you are serious in your life, find out How Improve Personal Skills and never regret living a single day of your beautiful life!

Article by Robin Chandler and Jo Ellen Grzyb

What exactly is The Art of Saying No?

A lot of people just don’t like the idea of having to tell people they can’t do something. Or they feel obligated when a colleague asks a favour; or feel pressurised when someone senior to them needs something done.

There are even some work places where saying no is definitely frowned upon; and in, say, the police force, could be a sackable or disciplinary offence.

After having worked for some time with people where saying no either feels impossible or just isn’t allowed, we created a body of work to address it. In some cases it is indeed, how to say no without ever saying the word.

Of course, there are times when saying the ‘n’ word is a necessity. But in our experience, there is so much anxiety around the possible consequences of using it, that people don’t say anything at all, or agree to things they’d rather not, or get landed with work that isn’t theirs and so on.

That can’t be good for anyone, but especially the person who finds themselves staying late at the end of the day to get their own work done after they’ve finished everyone else’s; or who swallows their resentment when they are ‘volunteered’ for something they don’t want to do; or who quakes at the idea of having to be a bit tougher with a supplier or even someone they manage.

This is one issue we have felt so passionately about that we even wrote a book that deals with it:The Nice Factor Book (Are you too Nice for your own good?)

This document is going to focus on one aspect of that book, which is about how to say no in a way that’s manageable, deals with the difficult feelings and actually might be some fun. For a more in-depth look, do have a peek at the book.

It’s Not Assertiveness

Impact Factory has been running programmes on The Art of Saying No for nearly seven years and we are often asked what the difference is between our work and assertiveness training. The reason we’ve been asked this is that assertiveness training has been around for some time, and people wonder if this art of saying no business isn’t just more of the same.

Well, no it isn’t, and here’s why.

We believe the very term ‘assertiveness’ is limiting. For instance, people say you should be assertive rather than aggressive, as if assertiveness is the only way to deal with a difficult situation. It isn’t. If you are being attacked or abused, then aggressively fighting back may well be an appropriate thing to do. The key word here is appropriate.

So yes, aggressiveness may be appropriate, assertiveness may be appropriate, but there’s a greater range of choice of behaviour than those two types that could be equally appropriate.

Before we discuss them, though, we want to talk about some of the things that happen to people when what they think and feel is different from what they do.

Many ‘unassertive’ people recognise that their pattern of behaviour is to be nice or compliant for far longer than they really want to until they reach the point of no longer being able to hold it in; then they explode nastily and inappropriately all over whoever happens to be around.

There are three ways this ‘explosion’ can happen. The first is that the rage happens inside the head and remains unexpressed. The second is that it is inappropriately expressed, and someone not involved, like a work colleague or secretary or even a bus conductor, becomes the recipient. The third is properly directed at the ‘offending party’ but is out of all proportion to the probably small, but nonetheless final-straw-event that unleashes it.

Not Nice Not Nasty

This leaves people with the impression that there are only two states or behaviours they can do: Nice or Nasty. When, in fact, they have forgotten a whole range of behaviour that lies between Nice and Nasty that can be termed Not-Nice (or even Not-Nasty).

What we’ve seen with assertiveness, is that it is often seen as a single form of behaviour: just say no, stand your ground, be a broken record – all quite difficult if you are truly unassertive, or in our jargon – simply too nice for your own good. The concept of asserting yourself, (getting your voice heard, being understood, being taken into account, getting your own way) needs to be broadened to include all forms of behaviour. It can include humour, submission, irresponsibility, manipulation, playfulness, aggressiveness, etc.

The key point here is that the behaviour – nice, not-nice, nasty – is chosen. We emphasise the word key, because until people are able to choose behaviour that’s free from the limiting effects of their fear of possible consequences, they will not be able to act no matter how well they are taught to be assertive. They will still feel overwhelmed in difficult situations.

Managing Feelings

It needs to be acknowledged that the strong feelings associated with changing behaviour are real and valid. Once people do that, then these (usually difficult) feelings can be looked upon as a good thing, a sign that something new is happening. At this point people can start to ‘choose’ to have these feelings rather than having to endure them or trying to pretend they are not happening.

The idea of choice is very important. If people feel they have real choice about how they behave, they start to realise that it can be OK to put up with something they don’t like. They can choose it because they want to; it is to their advantage. They then avoid the disempowering tyranny of always having to assert themselves. (Which is almost as bad as feeling you always have to be compliant or nice.)

Many people think that in order to be assertive, you need to ignore what you are feeling and just ‘stand your ground’. In fact, you ignore those feelings at your peril.

Often the magnitude of peoples’ feelings is way out of proportion to what the situation warrants. They may well reflect a previous difficult event more accurately. But because that previous difficulty was so difficult, it feels as though every similar situation will be the same.

It is only by beginning to experience and understand how crippling these feelings can be that people can start to do anything about changing their behaviour. Many people know what they could say; they know what they could do. Most ‘unassertive’ people have conversations in their heads about how to resolve a conflict they’re in; but still, their mouths say ‘yes’, while their heads say ‘no’. Knowing what to do or say is not the issue here.

Therefore, in looking at practising ‘the art of saying no’, it is wise to broaden the brief to so that it isn’t about becoming more assertive; rather it’s about changing your behaviour to fit the circumstances.

While in many circumstances assertiveness can be a straight jacket of it’s own (often creating resistance and resentment), the full lexicon of behaviour can be freeing, because there is choice in the matter. Using charm, humour, telling the truth or even deliberate manipulation, may well get you what you want without having to attempt behaviour that may go against your personality.

If you add a dash of fun or mischief, The Art of Saying No becomes a doable prospect, rather than another difficult mountain to climb.

Saying No

Here are some pointers of what could make it easier to say ‘no’.

If you’re saying something serious, notice whether you smile or not. Smiling gives a mixed message and weakens the impact of what you’re saying.

If someone comes over to your desk and you want to appear more in charge, stand up. This also works when you’re on the phone. Standing puts you on even eye level and creates a psychological advantage.

If someone sits down and starts talking to you about what they want, avoid encouraging body language, such as nods and ahas. Keep your body language as still as possible.

Avoid asking questions that would indicate you’re interested (such as, ‘When do you need it by?’ or ‘Does it really have to be done by this afternoon?’ etc.)

It’s all right to interrupt! A favourite technique of ours is to say something along the lines of, ‘I’m really sorry; I’m going to interrupt you.’ Then use whatever tool fits the situation. If you let someone have their whole say without interrupting, they could get the impression you’re interested and willing. All the while they get no message to the contrary, they will think you’re on board with their plan (to get you to do whatever…)

Pre-empt. As soon as you see someone bearing down on you (and your heart sinks because you know they’re going to ask for something), let them know you know: ‘Hi there! I know what you want. You’re going to ask me to finish the Henderson report. Wish I could help you out, but I just can’t.’

Pre-empt two. Meetings are a great place to get landed with work you don’t want. You can see it coming. So to avoid the inevitable, pre-empt, ‘I need to let everyone know right at the top, that I can’t fit anything else into my schedule for the next two weeks (or whatever).’

Any of these little tips can help you feel more confident and will support your new behaviour. For that’s what this is: If you’re someone whom others know they can take advantage (they may not even be doing it on purpose, you’re just an easy mark!) you need to indicate by what you do that things have changed.

Here’s an Analogy we use in The Nice Factor Book:

Let’s say you’re a burglar. There’s a row of identical houses and you’re thinking of having a go at five of them. The first house has a Yale lock on the front door. The second house has a Yale and a Chubb lock on the front door. The third house has a Yale and a Chubb lock on the front door and bars on the window. The fourth house has a Yale and a Chubb lock on the front door, bars on the window and burglar alarm. The fifth house has a Yale and a Chubb lock on the front door, bars on the window, a burglar alarm and a Rottweiler.

Which would you burgle?

When you make it easy for other people, they will naturally keep coming back. By learning more effective ways of saying ‘no’ you make it harder for others to expect you to do what they want without taking into account what’s going on for you. You become more burglar-proof.

Changing Others by Changing Yourself

A lot of us wish that the person we are in conflict with, or feel intimidated by, would change. Then everything would be all right. We’ve all heard this from a colleague, friend, partner and even said it ourselves: ‘If only he’d listen to me, then I wouldn’t be so frightened.’ ‘If only she’d stop complaining about my work, I’d be much happier.’

‘If only’ puts the onus on the other person to change how and who they are and makes them responsible for how we feel. By using some of the tools outlined above, people can get a sense of being in charge of situations, rather than being victims to what other people want.

It does seem to be part of human nature to blame others when things go wrong in our lives, or when we’re feeling hard done by. If you take away the ‘if only’ excuse you also take away the need to blame and make the other person wrong. It’s also rather wonderful to think that rather than waiting for someone else to change to make things all right, we all have the ability to take charge of most situations and make them all right for ourselves.

What also makes it easier is that we all just have to get better at ‘the art of saying no’; none of us has to change our whole personalities to create a more satisfying outcome!

About the Author

Robin and Jo Ellen run Impact Factory a company that provides Assertiveness Training, Public Speaking Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

Article by Michael Logan

We talk a lot, and those conversations, if we use assertive communication skills, can make a big difference in how our relationships go. If I have anything to add to the assertive communication skills dialogue, it is an awareness of how rapidly we change internally based on our perception of and interpretation of nonverbal communications.

Mihalyi Csikzsentmihalyi in his book Flow (1993) estimated that we process seven bits of sensory data in parallel, and that the shortest amount of time between sets of seven bits is 1/18th second. Remember, it takes 1/10th second to blink your eyes.

Michael Merzenich,Ph.D., one of the world’s leading researchers on neuroplasticity, says that Senior drivers need to be prepared to process changes in driving conditions in 1/45th second.

Paul Ekman,Ph.D. says we respond to facial expressions in 1/25th second, and my stress response to a look of contempt from a boss, a mate, or a child, may happen faster than I can create words. I had better be on my assertive communication game plan if I am to sustain assertiveness.

Assertive communication skills begin in my head, with a thought or a commitment to use them.

My commitment revolves around “I” statements, awareness of my feelings, heart beat by heart beat relaxation, playfulness, reflective listening, and the offering of choice.

In my domestic violence groups, I really use the reflective listening and the relaxation skills.

Every person who comes to my group has a story to tell, which will be told using their current level of assertiveness training.

More than likely, their story will be told using aggressive or passive-aggressive communication skills.

In those early moments of building our relationship, reflective listening will be a key part of helping my court ordered student to settle in.

So I will begin my comments with the phrase, “Here is what I hear you saying….” and repeat back to them a summary of the story.

In order to summarize the story, I need to listen closely, and I make an effort to repeat the client’s story verbatim in my head,which keeps me from preparing my “very knowledgeable” retort.

My goal in using the reflective listening is to begin teaching by example what assertive communication skills are. I often ask clients how they feel when someone pays attention to them, and the usual reply is, “good”.

In fact, when I use reflective listening skills, I can watch an agitated person calm down.

I may even begin to teach my clients at this point the HeartMath process, which always intrigues them, because I ask some provocative questions leading into it.

Then I may even hook them up, so they get a sense at this early part of the process that it is their thinking about the external world that brings on physical changes, and how fast that happens.

By the way HeartMath is a biofeedback tool that gives very accurate information to a client via a computer screen about the time between heart beats and how to make that time more consistent, which is called coherence, by breathing deeply and regularly, and managing thoughts. HeartMath is a feel good experience, and once learned, (took me six 1/2 hour practices), I can cue the physiology on demand by repeating a thought.

The heart has a very sophisticated nervous system, and sends a lot of data to the brain about emotions, much more than the brain sends to the heart. This brain in the heart is affiliative and cooperative, so cuing the HeartMath physiology has a huge impact on assertive communication skills.

I also like to teach the assertive communication skills that are part of the John Gottman,Ph.D., model called The Art and Science of Love, especially for my domesitic violence and anger management clients.

Gottman has studied couples for 30 years, and has teased out of his work the skills that the Masters of Marriage use.

Those skills apply to assertive communication skills. After discovering your partner’s Love Map, you begin to Turn Towards Each Other During Everyday Events by honoring what Gottman calls invitations to turn toward.

Those invitations can be very subtly communicated, so one has to pay attention and make quick decisions about how to respond.

Most of Our Communication is Nonverbal

I teach quite a bit about how we respond nonverbally to facial expressions, based on the work of Paul Ekman,Ph.D. Ekman says that we can respond to a subtle expression of contempt with anger in 1/25th second which is about 2.5 times as fast as I can blink my eyes.

So assertive communication skills have got to come online fast, along with my HeartMath skills to give me a chance to respond to contempt assertively rather than aggressively or passive-aggressively.

In any communication, I will respond to facial expressions and body posture before the words that are spoken.

If the speaker is not congruent in verbal and nonverbal communication, the listener may create an stress response faster than they can create reflective listening words.

Daniel Goleman calls that an amygdala high jack, and it floods us with stress hormones, making assertive communication very hard, if not impossible.

The Gottman’s address what they call ‘flooding’ in their work. They recommend for men that a minimum of 20 minutes be taken to calm down.

Next comes the use of ‘repair phrases’ that the Gottman’s supply examples of.

So as you can see, assertive communication skills are dynamic and must be applicable to a huge number of situations and responses.

They can be learned, and relationships built using them, and relationships can be repaired when there are breakdowns in communications.

The basic assertiveness training skills are remaining committed in my head to using assertive communication skills, no matter the response they get, using reflective listening, maintaining my heart intelligence, and offering choice, if I am communication with a peer. If I am communicating i a hierarchical relationship, then I need to either listen to feedback, or offer it, and be prepared to accept consequences for delivering a command, or accepting one.

In all cases, awareness of my physiology gives me choices.

About the Author

Michael S. Logan is a brain fitness expert, counselor, a student of Chi Gong, and a licensed one on one HeartMath provider. I enjoy the spiritual, the mythological, and psychological, and I am a late life father to Shane, 10, and Hannah Marie, 4, whose brains are so amazing.http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com

Article by Self Improvement Advisor

Self Improvement Skills

Develop self-esteem with self-improvement skills, which I review in currently article, who can too blessing make self-confidence. They can be an effective application to help you be a hit through just about anyone. Plus, I tell how you can tweak thoughts in your subconscious mind to boost self-esteem. Not sole that, but I recent 3 tips to substantiate self-esteem & build self-confidence, which should help you come to find success in your life. Self Improvement Skills

The first tip to develop self-esteem and to build self-confidence, which might help you be a hit with your boss is: Appreciate the fact that you are not a superman.

Realize that you cannot always make everything better, but you must also know that you can change some things. “The Serenity Prayer” put it like this;…God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Take responsibility for your actions. Developing a successful attitude, rather than showing cowardice and low self-esteem, means to accept responsibly for your own failures as well as your own victories; and therefore you will know that it is your decision to do well in life; or wind up on skid row.

The second tip to develop self-esteem and to build self-confidence, to help you be a hit with members of the opposite sex is: Discover your inner personality. It is a step in the right direction to discover the root cause of why you often feel the way you do. Truly knowing yourself and your inner problems is the first step in achieving your goals in your life. Self Improvement Skills

Deal with your problems; and it will help you if you are struggling against low self-esteem; and aid you to act with the confidence you need in your day-to-day life. Make a supreme effort to overcome your lack-of-confidence.

You might need to seek professional help if you have a major problem, so you can effectively deal with it. You can then move on and develop other good qualities in yourself. You can develop self-esteem and build self-confidence simply by finding out why you act the way you do. Self Improvement Skills

Self-Improvement Skills

The third tip is really the easiest way to develop self-esteem and to build self-confidence, so you might be able to be a hit with practically everybody is: Change the thoughts in your conscious mind by conditioning your subconscious mind, ergo, you will change the thoughts subconsciously and react the way you really want to behave without having to think about it; and studies prove that that is exactly what happens roughly 90% of the time anyway. Always want to have a successful life? Kick the LOSER out of your life by getting the Internet #1 Self Improvement Skills Now!

About the Author

Don’t be a loser anymore.

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